The Onset of Summer

With the onset of summer, I’m reminded that try as we might to have it otherwise, life really wants to have its way with us. I know this seemingly goes against all we’ve learned about setting goals, putting together an action plan, and building a resume of accomplishments—and I agree that these are important. But the muggy pull of life that shows up at the onset of summer always reminds me, in the midst of my various trajectories of plans, that it is good to build in some flexibility and responsiveness.

Take last week, for example. Both of my kids were home from school, ready to enjoy and shape their first week at home after a long school year. “I’m going to give the cats a bath today,” my son announced Monday morning. “I’ve been wanting to do this for years, and on my first free summer day, I’m going to do it!” And my daughter, who had been planning to redo her room, including painting the walls, selecting new or redoing old furniture, and doing a HUGE amount of cleanup added, “These next two weeks are the main times I have to get my room done, before camp and traveling to India. So, I need some help, Mom.”

And while my children are old enough to take the lead on many activities, I am old enough to know that them taking the lead means me keeping an alert sideline view that involves asking questions, suggesting planning steps, being interrupted with requests for a hand, and driving them around to their relevant destinations. To the pet store to get tearless cat shampoo, for example; to the paint store to select a red (!) paint for the bedroom walls; to IKEA to select a platform bed (even though I swore I would never buy another IKEA product after all the kitchen chairs we purchased there broke); and—you get the picture.

All these details to find an alive way to say that last week’s onset of summer brought its predictable change in routine and a reminder for me: When it is possible to flex and expand my sense of what I thought was going to happen (during a given moment, day, or week), then it is an opening for all involved. For me and my ability to let go and be in the process; for my children (or my staff or coworkers or friends) who are trying to forge a fresh way of working or relating; and for the universal life energy that needs to be allowed to unfold rather than forced into a preset container of expectations.

I’m not sure about doing this in midlife: Is it more difficult, more complex, or more natural? Perhaps if nothing else, it is more necessary given all the changes that midlife brings our way.

What do you think, fellow midlifers?

Posted on June 29, 2011, in Midlife Opportunities and Challenges and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Is it harder or easier in midlife to allow life to unfold, rather than force it? Yes to both. I more fully appreciate the need to allow life to unfold than I did in my 20’s or 30’s — and my body and brain now send constant reminders to me to do so (a la Patton’s 2 am wake-up calls in her previous post, among other things). But old patterns do die hard. After decades of conditioning to “get things done” (and the reinforcement of cultural rewards for doing so), I find that my default mode during busy or stressful times is is to force. I call it my type A side. It’s alive and well during midlife, but has more competition (so to speak) from by B side now.

    • Amy, I love the way you expound upon things – and take them deeper. I’m taking with me your image of the b side providing some healthy competition to the a side! Thank you.

  2. All of the above! More resources to do things but more set in our ways. More open to living in the moment but more things on our plates.

    • It is funny, Deborah, your use of “set in our ways.” I remember people using that phrase about others as I was growing up, and never thought it would apply to me. But, I really do think it does in some ways – and it is hard to know how to step outside of it or around it or beyond it. Patton

  3. Heather Prichard


    Your blog is aptly named and beautifully designed. Congratulations on this big accomplishment! Your path here (specifically, your note that “universal life energy that needs to be allowed to unfold rather than forced” reminds me of a quote recently read in a daily meditation journal: “When nothing seems to help, I go and look
    at a stone cutter hammering away at a rock perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that blow that did it–but all that had gone before. –Jacob Riis

    Thanks for continuing to inspire me, Patton. I look forward to reading more.


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